Now for the bad news. I firmly believed that this cycle was my time. I know we all tell ourselves that each month will be OUR month but this past cycle I truly felt as though it was finally OUR time. I started testing at 10 DPO and each day I had nothing but one stark, single, pink line staring back at me. I sit here now at 14 DPO with cramps and spotting and once again, a cycle has failed. Somehow I am always the cheerleader and reassure everyone that the next time it will work. I wish I could be that confident when it comes to my own journey. I have now become a statistic. The odds show that most IUI's work within the first three tries. My first was a success even if it was only for a day or two before the chemical pregnancy happened. Is that it for me? I want to believe with all my heart that I am going to defy the statistics, and even at 35, I will succeed with an IUI. The reality though soon sinks in that IUI is the end for us. I don't have coverage for IVF and financially that is way beyond our means. I know my RE is determined that IUI will get us to parenthood and I want with all my soul to believe them. It's just so hard after getting nothing but failures month after month. I did contact my insurance company and found out I have unlimited IUI coverage. I know how fortunate I am to even have this but part of me just wishes I could find my fairy godmother to grant me my one wish. I don't need a fancy carriage, a glass slipper or even a ballgown. I just need my dream of motherhood. I just need my rainbow to come smiling through...
Monday, November 5, 2012
The Dream That You Wish...
I know I've been MIA but you can't blame this one on me. All the blame goes to Sandy. I must say I was fortunate to not have any wind or flood damage and my house and family remain unscathed. My electric however was not so fortunate. I lost power on Monday and it was finally restored last night. You think the crazy infertility ride tests a marriage & your relationship? Try going 6 days without power! I am proud to report that we are still happily married and both alive. I lost tons of food but fortunately, not my marriage :)
Now for the bad news. I firmly believed that this cycle was my time. I know we all tell ourselves that each month will be OUR month but this past cycle I truly felt as though it was finally OUR time. I started testing at 10 DPO and each day I had nothing but one stark, single, pink line staring back at me. I sit here now at 14 DPO with cramps and spotting and once again, a cycle has failed. Somehow I am always the cheerleader and reassure everyone that the next time it will work. I wish I could be that confident when it comes to my own journey. I have now become a statistic. The odds show that most IUI's work within the first three tries. My first was a success even if it was only for a day or two before the chemical pregnancy happened. Is that it for me? I want to believe with all my heart that I am going to defy the statistics, and even at 35, I will succeed with an IUI. The reality though soon sinks in that IUI is the end for us. I don't have coverage for IVF and financially that is way beyond our means. I know my RE is determined that IUI will get us to parenthood and I want with all my soul to believe them. It's just so hard after getting nothing but failures month after month. I did contact my insurance company and found out I have unlimited IUI coverage. I know how fortunate I am to even have this but part of me just wishes I could find my fairy godmother to grant me my one wish. I don't need a fancy carriage, a glass slipper or even a ballgown. I just need my dream of motherhood. I just need my rainbow to come smiling through...
Now for the bad news. I firmly believed that this cycle was my time. I know we all tell ourselves that each month will be OUR month but this past cycle I truly felt as though it was finally OUR time. I started testing at 10 DPO and each day I had nothing but one stark, single, pink line staring back at me. I sit here now at 14 DPO with cramps and spotting and once again, a cycle has failed. Somehow I am always the cheerleader and reassure everyone that the next time it will work. I wish I could be that confident when it comes to my own journey. I have now become a statistic. The odds show that most IUI's work within the first three tries. My first was a success even if it was only for a day or two before the chemical pregnancy happened. Is that it for me? I want to believe with all my heart that I am going to defy the statistics, and even at 35, I will succeed with an IUI. The reality though soon sinks in that IUI is the end for us. I don't have coverage for IVF and financially that is way beyond our means. I know my RE is determined that IUI will get us to parenthood and I want with all my soul to believe them. It's just so hard after getting nothing but failures month after month. I did contact my insurance company and found out I have unlimited IUI coverage. I know how fortunate I am to even have this but part of me just wishes I could find my fairy godmother to grant me my one wish. I don't need a fancy carriage, a glass slipper or even a ballgown. I just need my dream of motherhood. I just need my rainbow to come smiling through...
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I'm so sorry another month came and went. I feel your pain. I thought last month was my month, too. I hope that your dreams do come true. HUGS
ReplyDeleteI am glad you and DH made it through Sandy okay. On your cycle, I am just so incredibly sorry. I wish I could say something that would change your mood or give you more hope. However, IUI did work once for you. I don't know why it didn't stick, but your body CAN do it and I think it will. Not sure if you take any supplements to help with egg quality or anything, but please don't lose hope. It's not a "no", just not this time. I know it doesn't make you feel better, becuase the question then becomes if not now, then when? But I'm glad you have unlimited coverage for it and I'm praying your next one is the sticky one that becomes your Christmas miracle. *hugs*
ReplyDeleteRough week for you to say the least. Sorry this cycle didn't work, but YES you are fortunate to have IUI coverage for more tries. I know RE's say that most couples will conceive within 3 IUI's if it's going to work, but my RE says some people do try 6 times before considering IVF. Plus, it did work for you once! I know failed cycles just plain suck, but I really think IUI can work for you again if you'll give it another try! You have the ability to get pregnant and knowing that is huge. Some women have been trying for years and can't say they even know it's possible. I hope this next cycle is the ONE for you!! Keep us posted!
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