About Me

I'm a small town girl in her mid 30's married to an avid hunter with three furbabies (a pug, a springer spaniel and a cat) but no non-furry baby to call our own. I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism in 2011 after actively trying to conceive for almost a year with no success and a year or so of no protection.  Now, here we are, over 4 years total into our journey and still we are childless.  

I met my dear hubby through a peculiar arranged blind date between my ex-roommate and his father whom I worked with back in 2004.  Back then I was pretty damn skinny for being 5'6".  I gave all my praise to a fast metabolism as this ass hasn't seen a gym since volleyball in college.  Years went by and the pounds piled on but still my procrastinator finally proposed after five long years on Valentine's Day 2009.  This year was definitely a rough time in my life as my father, who had been battling cancer for many years, was taking a turn for the worse.  I always said I didn't need to get married, but just wanted a ring. Well, when your childhood dreams of dancing with your father at your wedding are put into jeopardy, the push for a wedding was on.  We decided that we would get married in 2010 and hope that my father would be able to give his little girl away. Sadly, my father passed away May 1, 2010 but I was fortunate to be able to be at his side with him.  The wedding went on without him and my chunky butt got married October 10, 2010. I was able to walk down the aisle with the dress my father had bought me.  He knew he wouldn't be able to be there physically, but with him buying the dress it was like he was still there. I never did get to have the father-daughter dance, but my hubby and I decided to dance our 1st dance to the song my father & I would have danced to.  Somehow I managed to make it through the day without shedding too many tears, but I still wish he could have been there.

If roses grow in heaven,
Lord please pick a bunch for me.
Place them in my father's arms
and tell him they're from me
Tell him I love him and miss him
and when he turns and smiles,
place a kiss upon his cheek
and hold him for a while.
Because remembering him is easy,
I do it everyday,
but there's an ache within my heart
because I'm missing him today.
When everything is said and done,
I will cherish this day with a smile
because I know my daddy is here with me
as I am walking down the aisle.

With all the heartbreak I was dealing with, I always chalked up my depression, weight gain, and mood swings to everything I have endured over the past few years.  I then began to also think about us still not having any luck with a child, how I was always colder than an Eskimo's ass, and constant aching pain throughout my body.  I finally said something to my OB/GYN and she recommended pre-conception blood work to check the basic hormones.  The nurse practitioner was my saving grace. She called me on a Friday morning at 7:30 telling me I had to see an endocrinologist immediately.  It turned out the my TSH was at 153.  Average TSH range is around 3 only varying by a little.  I was informed that the body shut downs at 150 and could lead to a coma. This explains all my weight gain, emotions, lack of energy, and overall feeling like ass constantly!  I worked closely with my family physician to get my numbers back down significantly. Once I was close, I was referred to a reproductive endocrinologist (RE) to monitor my levels and be more aggressive at getting this chick knocked up!  By this time I was 34 and the clock was definitely ticking.

Here I am, 5 months after seeing my RE and the progress is finally starting to come through.  It's been a long journey, but I've learned that I am so much stronger mentally than I ever thought I could be.  This process is a bitch but I know it will be worth it in the end.

Hope you enjoy my crazy ride :)