Yes, the only thing virgin about me so this may be a little rough and take some time to actually flow like it should.
I know I'm a little late getting this fertility blog started but I wanted to have a place to just vent and let it all out. This especially became apparent this week after finding out that I had my first chemical pregnancy. Not only was it my first chemical, but it was my first pregnancy EVER. Here I am, 35 years old and have never seen those little 2 lines when I counts. Sure I've tested out my trigger shot and saw them, peed on enough ovulation predictor sticks to fill up my car, but never have I ever had a positive test to say that the sperm completed mission impossible. I tested out my trigger from last IUI to make sure I didn't get a false positive. It finally left my system at 9 DPO (days past ovulation for all you newbies). I continued to test every day until 14 DPO and still that one pink line and stark white where that other pink line should be. Mentally I knew I was out so I just went on with my normal life once again.
I went in to the RE's office for my 14 DPO blood work but since I tested negative at home, she told me to save my $40 co-pay and wait for The Bitch to rear her ugly head. Later that night I had some spotting and new she was here. Woke up the next morning to horrible cramps then cried myself back to sleep. It was the 4th of July and I was reminded once again of my independence from children. Went to a party, had some beverages and proceeded to drown my sorrow in jello shots. Thursday I go back to the RE for my next cycle testing and ultrasound. I get the usual phone call Friday afternoon that my blood work was normal and start my Femara on Sunday. It's now Friday night and my phone rings with some phone number and area code I don't know. I let it go to voice mail and I get a message. Now I am intrigued as to who it was. I check it immediately and it was the physician's assistant who saw me the day before. She told me to NOT start the drug plan as scheduled and the girls were not supposed to call me. My HCG levels came back at 15 and I am pregnant (anything below 5 is not pregnant). I am now confused as I tested plenty of times and nothing. The reason for that is even the most sensitive tests register at 20. She is concerned that it could be ectopic and wants me to come in first thing Monday morning. She apologized repeatedly for calling me late but I am so grateful that she did even though I now had to make through the entire weekend wondering.
I survive the weekend and go in before the office even opens on Monday. The blood work confirms what I already knew. It wasn't viable at a level that low and I lost it. My HCG came back at 2.6. I don't want to take anything away from other girls that have suffered this misfortune but I feel lucky that I didn't get my hopes up. I knew I was out as I was dealing with Aunt Flo all weekend. My temps were really high but dropped drastically on the 3rd day (the day with the horrible cramps). I think that was the day I lost the pregnancy. My heart truly goes out to all the other women who test at home and get a positive to only find out they lost it later. I think this was my blessing in disguise. This was the first time I was pregnant and I know now that all these years of medicine and blood draws to get my thyroid in check actually paid off. I am optimistic for this next cycle and my 2nd IUI. I know it won't be long now until I get my sticky baby!
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